By Mark Fleig
Thanks to Motorola’s newly announced successors to the popular RAZR phones, angry cell-phone shoppers are frantically scrambling to their phone outlets in what experts believe could be the trendiest mob of well-dressed urbanites in modern history.
”My… my phone! It’s slightly out of date!” shrieked John Berlonson, a software analyst and father of two.
“I simply can’t use this RAZR v3 anymore,” quipped Charlene Gubenstopper, hiding the phone within the folds of her jacket. “It’s nearly 3 months old and barely pushes the envelope at all anymore!”
Asked whether or not she would be content with a new KRZR, Miss Gubenstopper, a fashion consultant and weekend trend-setter threw her hands skyward, charging “Of course! God. It’s the only phone anyone will be seen with. Plus it’s got all of the features a young professional like me needs! It’s like 42 millimeters wide. This junky old v3 is like 54 millimeters. What is this, the middle ages or something?”
Motorola gives all of the credit to their researchers for developing the critical advances in techno-trendology required to produce the new KRZR and RIZR phones. Dramatic leaps in the field have made it possible to actually combine the GSM and CDMA technologies with a magnesium polished chrome and hardened glass finish, resulting in a reflective surface for the self-absorbed target market. The phones are also powered by a NiCaD battery that accepts a continuous charge from the owner’s sense of self-worth.
“I will never need another phone once I own one of these,” gasped Mr. Berlonson. “This will surely be the last, great, thin phone ever produced.”