By Pamela Beers
Whatever pops into my head is usually written down on a yellow legal pad. Today's scuttlebutt is no exception. I am giving you fair warning that what you are about to read is not something you would normally think of in the context of daily life (nor would you want to)...unless you are waiting in line for long periods of time, which in my case, I usually am. This time I was waiting for early morning, bumper-to-bumper traffic to clear so I could get out to the barn. I said a few choice words, which led to the subject matter for the next paragraph.
Listed below are a dozen ways to describe the substance that exits the back end of a horse after said equine ingests 50 pounds of hay daily, along with six to eight quarts of oats, pasture grass, and an assortment of treats which include, but is not limited to, carrots, apples, molasses horse cookies, sugar cubes, and candy canes (winter months) or cellophane-wrapped peppermints (summer months). This of course is accompanied by 10-15 gallons of water per diem.
What goes in must come out, so here is the list:
1. Meadow Muffins
2. Road Apples
3. Horse Balls
4. Horse Shit
9. Horse Plops
12. Reconstituted Vegetable Matter (for people too proper to call it what it really is...horse shit)
Pick your favorite word above to describe horse excrement and win a prize. Read my next article and find out what the prize is.
Pamela Beers is a freelance writer, educator and horse trainer. She has discovered that waiting for stalled traffic can be an adventure in creativity. Visit her website at http://www.pamelabeers.com for writing and marketing tips.